this week has been very difficult and humbling at best. you see, in my professional life i've always been somewhat of a big fish in a small pond and even at times i was blessed to be a big fish in a big pond - that's the way i like it. with all the new ownership changes at my job now, i am pretty much a small fish in a large ocean or in my eyes, the worst of all possible combinations. in case you are wondering what started all of this...we migrated to a different network this week and many of us, including myself, have lost complete control and ownership of the local network responsibilities. being self reliant to figure out my own problems or getting the "thank you"s from resolving someone elses, is gone. i now have to call an 800 number and ask for help...just like everyone else.

to some degree i guess that's where i am in my spiritual life. i go through cycles of being completely self reliant and get somewhat frustrated when i have to rely on God for anything, even though i know he can fix everything if i just talk to him. it's kinda like the old testament stories of the israelites when they'd see God part the waters of the red sea and then they'd scream because they didn't have anything to eat or drink. why couldn't they just live a simple life of trust and faith? i've always thought how foolish these people were, and sometimes now i find myself doing the same things.

i'm just grateful that the Father can use things in my life to allow me to see myself from a distance to see what's right and what's not. to allow me to see the stupid things i do and feel. for whatever reason, i know that i will have to keep learning this lesson my whole life until i give in and give up and live by complete trust and faith myself. maybe i should cut those israelites some slack.

anyway, at least the Father is still teaching me. when i stop learning and growing then i guess that's when i'll start getting worried. in the mean time i i'll start calling on Him more and trusting Him to be strong in my weakness and i guess i'll have to learn that 800 number for network support.