i really don't want to go into the details, but some of you need to know that i am not going through some major mid-life crisis where i am wanting to scrap my whole life in order to gain another one. in fact, have you ever walked through the home/kitchen/bath area of a major department store and realized that you have to start over, almost completely, and that you need everything, and then what you buy is only going to be for you and not a family, and not your beautiful child, not anyone. if any of you think i am romanticizing this whole notion of starting over and that i can't wait to be by myself, then you know absolutely nothing at all about me. please also keep in mind that i am not bitter, beligerent, hostile, controlling, whatever. i am simply a guy trying to live his life and to provide for his son. this is either the best or worst decision of my life - certainly the hardest. i guess only time will be the judge.
as for what i need...i need someone to care for my son. i need someone to be the father that i can't be right now. i just need someone to be my friend. i don't need anyone trying to fix my life with 3 easy bible verses or a pop-culture book on relationships. i needed you to step in years ago and intervene in an area where i was powerless, but that is all too late. i strongly believe the church needs to step in before people pull the trigger but all too often they wait until it is way too late, while all along they knew this day was coming. i'm guilty of the same, so don't hate me for feeling this way and don't tell me i'm a hostile freak again. anyway, tomorrow is another day.
