i write this knowing that there are those out there that might read this and be happy with any new pains that i may be feeling. i guess that is the chance i have to take if i really want to be honest. i'm guessing that some of those folks don't think that i have ever been honest about anything so i guess none of this really matters anyway.
the bottom line is that as the father continues to soften my heart, i am finding that i am vulnerable to many more feelings of pain, loneliness, depression, and frustration that i thought possible. i guess the hardness was kind of like going into shock where the body feels no pain because if it did it just might be overwhelming. while i am a big believer in a person being "soft" in order to really share the love of god with each other or strangers for that matter, it can really come at a price. i must also say that only a person who's heart is soft can really understand the magnitude of this. now i'm not calling anyone hard or mean or anything, this is just about me. i know that before god can use me in whatever role he wants, i must be pliable and moldable for him. i don't yet know what that might entail, but i am open more to it everyday.
