ok, so what's up

i really don't want to go into the details, but some of you need to know that i am not going through some major mid-life crisis where i am wanting to scrap my whole life in order to gain another one. in fact, have you ever walked through the home/kitchen/bath area of a major department store and realized that you have to start over, almost completely, and that you need everything, and then what you buy is only going to be for you and not a family, and not your beautiful child, not anyone. if any of you think i am romanticizing this whole notion of starting over and that i can't wait to be by myself, then you know absolutely nothing at all about me. please also keep in mind that i am not bitter, beligerent, hostile, controlling, whatever. i am simply a guy trying to live his life and to provide for his son. this is either the best or worst decision of my life - certainly the hardest. i guess only time will be the judge.

as for what i need...i need someone to care for my son. i need someone to be the father that i can't be right now. i just need someone to be my friend. i don't need anyone trying to fix my life with 3 easy bible verses or a pop-culture book on relationships. i needed you to step in years ago and intervene in an area where i was powerless, but that is all too late. i strongly believe the church needs to step in before people pull the trigger but all too often they wait until it is way too late, while all along they knew this day was coming. i'm guilty of the same, so don't hate me for feeling this way and don't tell me i'm a hostile freak again. anyway, tomorrow is another day.

a little test

sometimes its really good to find out who your real friends are. you know the ones that stick with you regardless of what you are going through. not saying that they agree with everything, but they just stick with you because they have a biblical unconditional agape type love for you. well this whole marriage thing is really showing me how very few people i can really count on to love me. i can count probably on one hand those friends that love me in spite of me. isn't that kinda what jesus did? anyway, i will write more in detail later on, but in the mean time i assure you that my current course of action has been evaluated before, during, and after by people that i believe are qualified to make biblical and sensible judgments.

for those of you that are loving me through this - thank you!! you are renewing my faith in many different ways. for those of you that curse everytime you hear my name - i'll be here for you if you ever go through the same thing. i can live without you in my life, but know that i don't want to.

k

pack the wagons, i'm outta here

ok, so for starters to catch everyone up...i just quit my job at five star in kerrville. really. i took a job with a company in tampa syniverse but i will live in Little Rock where i will take care of this account alltel. it really should be a great move for everyone, i'm sure i will be writing more in the future about this.

ok, i just thought that i wanted to write a bunch, but turns out that i don't. i will write more soon, i promise.