ok, so what's up

i really don't want to go into the details, but some of you need to know that i am not going through some major mid-life crisis where i am wanting to scrap my whole life in order to gain another one. in fact, have you ever walked through the home/kitchen/bath area of a major department store and realized that you have to start over, almost completely, and that you need everything, and then what you buy is only going to be for you and not a family, and not your beautiful child, not anyone. if any of you think i am romanticizing this whole notion of starting over and that i can't wait to be by myself, then you know absolutely nothing at all about me. please also keep in mind that i am not bitter, beligerent, hostile, controlling, whatever. i am simply a guy trying to live his life and to provide for his son. this is either the best or worst decision of my life - certainly the hardest. i guess only time will be the judge.

as for what i need...i need someone to care for my son. i need someone to be the father that i can't be right now. i just need someone to be my friend. i don't need anyone trying to fix my life with 3 easy bible verses or a pop-culture book on relationships. i needed you to step in years ago and intervene in an area where i was powerless, but that is all too late. i strongly believe the church needs to step in before people pull the trigger but all too often they wait until it is way too late, while all along they knew this day was coming. i'm guilty of the same, so don't hate me for feeling this way and don't tell me i'm a hostile freak again. anyway, tomorrow is another day.

a little test

sometimes its really good to find out who your real friends are. you know the ones that stick with you regardless of what you are going through. not saying that they agree with everything, but they just stick with you because they have a biblical unconditional agape type love for you. well this whole marriage thing is really showing me how very few people i can really count on to love me. i can count probably on one hand those friends that love me in spite of me. isn't that kinda what jesus did? anyway, i will write more in detail later on, but in the mean time i assure you that my current course of action has been evaluated before, during, and after by people that i believe are qualified to make biblical and sensible judgments.

for those of you that are loving me through this - thank you!! you are renewing my faith in many different ways. for those of you that curse everytime you hear my name - i'll be here for you if you ever go through the same thing. i can live without you in my life, but know that i don't want to.

k

pack the wagons, i'm outta here

ok, so for starters to catch everyone up...i just quit my job at five star in kerrville. really. i took a job with a company in tampa syniverse but i will live in Little Rock where i will take care of this account alltel. it really should be a great move for everyone, i'm sure i will be writing more in the future about this.

ok, i just thought that i wanted to write a bunch, but turns out that i don't. i will write more soon, i promise.

scared

the process of being broken is one that i don't wish on anyone and if it is all part of the big picture then part of me says to paint me out. seriously, i can't describe how painful it is to go from feeling like a man of god with some things figured out to a scared little boy who knows he doesn't know anything about anything. the details don't matter right now and i'm not sure if they ever will.

where's the safe landing

there are obviously many, many things that i don't understand about the grace and comfort of God. number one being - where is it when i need it the most? for me it's like slamming your car into a tree at 90 mph only to find out that the air bags don't work. don't get me wrong - my faith doesn't waiver. it just seems to be only a one-way faith right now. all the christian-ese and stuff we talk about (when our lives are relatively painless) seem to be just a bunch of words right now. i feel convicted of offering cheap meaningless comfort and hope to those over the years that really needed it.

something is majorly wrong with this situation and i don't remember signing up to learn this lesson.

where are you

i guess growing up sometimes leaves little to be desired- like the feeling that you miss the person you used to be? maybe it was the innocence, or the carefree attitude, or just the hope that the best years of your life are right around the corner. whatever it may be, waking up and finding yourself deep in the middle of nowhere is a harsh reality.

i went for a drive tonite. i love to drive, really do. it started off with just a desire to find a cd that i heard on the radio (and yes i know that i could have downloaded it from iTunes cheaper) and i found myself on one of kerr county's famous deer dodging and tire squealing, curvy beyond all reason roads. And then i remembered that i could turn the a/c off, turn the radio up (to damaging levels), downshift a gear more than i should have and haul ass.

i did just that.

it was good.

it's weird. i've been driving this small SUV for almost 2 years yet i had forgotten what fun, fulfillment, and joy could come from a little over the edge, somewhat dangerous, driving and i guess to some degree i had forgotten the same thing about life. by nature i'm a risk taker. i love the thought that my next move could be my last or it could be my best ever. that's where i think i am. about to take some risks. about to stretch out to see if i can find who i used to be. about to start over in some ways that i just can't talk about yet.

i think i'm gonna hope again that the best years of my life are just around the corner and i can't wait to tell you about them.

PAX

fill in

ok, so it has been awhile since i last blogged and this one is not going to be real exciting either. anyway, i am going to dfw for a few days for a business trip, i cleaned out my sock drawer, and i washed the rodeo. see, told you this was boring.

on a different note, our church started a saturday nite service 'cause there was no more room in the sun morn service. last sat was the first run and there was a good crowd. come to find out it also serves a purpose to help minister to those from other churches that aren't being filled at their own. it was great to see representatives from all the local baptist congregations in town (kidding).

have a great week.

all is quiet

last night was the first night in several when all the sutton clan was home and sleeping soundly. for the last 2 days, dianna has been at methodist hospital in SA having a revision to her spinal shunt and tyler has been home with me. the night before last, very unexpectedly, his bout with strep kicked up again and he got really sick. the doc said that if he doesn't improve then he would be on his way to the respiratory unit at the local hospital as well. he slept almost all day yesterday and all night last night and he seems to be back to his old self this morning. wonders what a little time and some powerful prayer will do. (by the way, don't think it was the meds, he was way too sick yesterday to keep any down.)

ok, off to work. somehow i've got to pay for all of this. :)

rock me soulsparilla

it was nice to once again have young blood and loud music and lots of it at clay street. last saturday nite we had 6 different acts (4 bands, 1 solo artist, and 1 mom and pop dj) for a high school audience. the music was really good and we probably had over 300 teenagers in the building. i am really hoping that this ministry will continue as clay street seeks the father in the direction he wants for them. i join them in prayer too as i learn to release them from what i want them to be to supporting them in what they are supposed to be. anyway, here are some pics of the concert.






we also had a little car accident incident that i thought was worth mentioning. you see being that we had 300 teens in the building and the place is a church and all, we expected some type of messing with. well aside from my sound and light guy standing me up, all was going well...until a car ran into a tree right behind the building. now many of my baptisty friends see this as a coicidence, but i don't know. i guess i am starting to believe the scripture that says we wrestle not with flesh and blood but with powers and principalities and the rulers of darkness. well if this van hadn't hit the tree it very likely might have come through the back of our building. hmm, i don't buy the coincidence thing for a second. we were also protected in that no one was hurt outside either.

so

so do you know what it feels like to be surrounded by people but feel completely alone?

i do.

the big show

gotta show at clay street this weekend that should be really good. i crack on these guys alot because i want to see them reach the potential that i see for them but one area that i really admire them for is allowing folks to come in and do their thing (as far as music and preaching is concerned). so many facilities around here will let you come in but only if you look and smell and act like they do. well hell. if they are just like you, then you don't need them to come in. ah hah, said the blind man to his deaf and dumb girlfriend...

anyway, there will be 4 bands this saturday and i have arranged for my pro sound guy that does big shows to come in and set some things up. this has always been a dream of mine, really since i was little, to be a part of something like this. it will be even better because the first set will be worship (i think) and the second set will be Wade Sparkman who has developed over the years and is amazing on vocals. Sets 3 and 4 are SA bands that may or may not be any good.

just for some extra thump we are gonna bring in some much larger sub cabinets cause the JBL 18" cabs that clay street has need to be re-coned. these are supposed to be rated at 5,ooo watts each with at least 2 subs in each cabinet. apparently you need a couple of guys to move them. to power these cabs we will use special 3-phase amps that put out who knows how much power. of course to power the amps we will have to bring in a generator b/c the building just doesn't have enough power. doesn't this just sound goooood. after this is done we will bring in 2 trusses of lights (not sure what will be on them) that we should be able to hang from the rafters. to power the lights we will use a hog 500 controller that i hear is pretty neat. to put all of this in perspective...this same equipment was used for the linkin park / korn concert at verizon wireless amphitheater last weekend in SA. of course we will only use a fraction of the equipment.
well that's enough for now. i hope you have a great week and come to the show if u are in the kerr area this sat around 8p.

teen spirit

some where in my mp3 download days i klepto'd a copy of a tori amos live version of smells like teen spirit and it is amazing. i know that one of my fellow bloggers is probably her biggest fan ever, but this one song makes me want to buy everything she has ever recorded. i don't understand how she can make the piano come alive and move you to emotions you didn't know you had. oh, and i hear that this isn't even one of her "good" songs. wow!

what box?

i read something this week published by a motivational speaker for businesses but it applies to churches as well...

you can't have an out-of-the-box experience when all you have are in-the-box metaphors.

the other one i like that we have all seen is...

a fool is a person that keeps doing the same thing while expecting different results.

people come on. step up to the plate and bat! get in the game, get off your butt and get after it. clay street if you aren't gonna do anything then give yourself a break and attend mass somewhere that is insect free. if not, then start kicking some ass and let's change this community. out of the 4 guys in leadership, only one understands (also the only one that will probably read this) and you have a tough job ahead of you, but i know you can do it. just write some things down, get a little more organized, get everyone on the same page, and get on with it. oh, and i would pray like you've never prayed before.

have a great week!

where??

i'm in utica, illinois today and it's about 55 degrees outside. sorry to all of my friends back in texas that are sweaty and smelly in the heat (that sounds tacky - but sounds like me) but it is really nice here.

anyway, have a great week.

when heaven invades earth

i just finished a book by bill johnson called when heaven invades earth. it is about the miraculous power of God coming to our everyday lives. it was completely liberating because many of my frustrations with the church, for a long time, were dealt with. i sincerely feel that as believers we have adopted an non-biblical tradition and teaching because we suck when it comes to experiencing the power of God. face it, we do and we have. to put it differently, i am so glad that i came to know christ at an early age, because the traditional modern day baptist church on every corner or the post-modern wanna be warehouse (traditional baptist) church doesn't have anything for me. nothing.

anyway, i am going to walk down a new path with others who believe that God still moves in the physical, through his saints (that's us in case you have forgotten). i've never seen the gold dust thing, or oil on the hands or feathers, but i am not so closed minded to think that if God wanted to do something like that he could and certainly would. personally in my life right now, i need some of God in the physical. i guess you could argue that i need more faith or whatever, but really i just need more of Him - the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit - the whole package. And i want to be the whole package. i want to walk in His power and not mine anymore.

on another note...my dj friend that made it big in the business has just accecpted Jesus and is looking to turn his life around and is moving back to kerrville. so it looks like the church on bluebonnet street has a new member.

blessings!

show me your power

you know part of my frustration with the local christian community is that i really don't know anyone that is experiencing the abundant life that we are supposed to have in christ and most of the churches in town have no real energy or excitement. not talking about music, there's good worship in the town, but the overall power of god is just not there. now i'm not talking about hope, i know a bunch of folks that have that, otherwise none of us would have made it this far. i'm talking about the stuff jesus talks about in the gospels. i'm just not one to believe that all of that was only for that period of time. i really think that would be clear in his teaching if that was the case.

the other thing is that we all say that we want the holy spirit to come in power and wonder and all that stuff but we freak out when anything outside of regular mundane church life happens. i'm as guilty as anyone on that - but not anymore.

i've reached a point in my walk with christ that i want to stop trying to understand him in physical human terms - admit it, that's what we do most of the time as believers - and allow him to be whatever he is, in whatever that looks like. i'm not sure where this will take us but dianna and i are committed to traveling this path. as i learn more i'll pass it along, but in the mean time i'm gonna put myself in a place where god can speak to me and through me in new ways.

oh, by the way...none of this involves us drinking any specialty Kool-Aid. more to come

don't even think of going anywhere

so here i sit in my office by myself after 5 on a friday waiting for the phone to ring. you see, i was a good samaritan earlier in the day and it ended up screwing up my whole day. argh!!

just for that i changed my ringtone back to benny hill. that's a little more fitting.

home sweet home

spent a few days north of houston at a wonderful lake in the piney woods. enjoyed the visit with my mother, sister and brother-in-law and their children. it was good to get away from home for a little bit but driving home i had a new appreciation for the area where we live known as the Texas Hill Country. Ok, so those of you who have lived here will probably say that i'm making too much of this area but i don't think so. some of you reading this i know have even moved here from the houston area. don't get me wrong, i love the city, i really do. but something about the hills and a two lane road with no shoulder just makes me want to crack open the sunroof and run the honda up to at least 45. (i would have added some music but i let the cd player get dirty and now its broke, maybe that means i should just put in a cd/dvd/mp3 player with a big lcd screen - tyler says yep!)

anyway, i hope you are having a great week. we have some challenges ahead of us, but by the limitless grace of the Father, we should be in good shape. i hope you feel blessed and that you don't watch too much of the DNC on tv this week. :)

what else

i went to the eye doc today so he could take a look at what's going on with my eyesight.  it's been bothering me a little lately and i wanted to make sure that all was ok. everything seemed ok, but i still left with my first ever script for glasses. now mind you these are computer glasses, not reading glasses - there is a difference - probably not in the frames or lenses or cost, but they certainly are different.
 
i add this insult to my experience last night while working at my computer at home i noticed that one of my toenails decided to part ways with the rest of his toenail friends. i didn't feel anything or notice anything, it was just here one min and gone the next. sooo...does anyone out there want to give me a heads up on what to expect next. will i awake with one less appendage anytime in the near future or anything bad like that???? gee, it sucks to get old.

don't give up

ok, so this new code is taking a little longer. don't give up, i'll get everything back in shape soon.
 
found out tonight that my wife now has a folder at the lutheran church. in some churches, having your very own folder certainly can be a sign of status. i'm not completely sure what this one means.  PAX!

Impact

visited a new church sunday morning - impact christian fellowship. i didn't really know this place existed until saturday evening when their band played at a "thing" held at clay street. WOW! is about all i can say. it was like seeing worship all over for the first time, like tasting the sweetness and power of God all at once, again.
 
for me the big driving force was that it was a piano led worship and the guy was amazing. now, i am always being accused of being a nathan follower so i don't want to make too much of it, but for me, when the piano is being played i am in the presence of God, period. the church was a lot like clay street, but with some refinements. these refinements are nice, but clay street is much more versatile and no one cares if you park a car in the middle of the warehouse (which i did once during a worship service).
 
i'll keep you posted on whether or not this may become another home for us.  i say another, because i'm starting to feel more at home at many places and not just one or two. it may be that i have keys to 4 churches in town and not just one. the older i get the more i am trying to become focused on the strengths of each ministry and where their specialties lie. i'm tired of wishing that one place would be the perfect model for evangelism, discipleship, etc.  just as i will never be perfect model for the same.
 
blessings, K

all things new

ok, so i decided to change up my template a little...i think i already miss my old one...and i added the whole comment thing so i'll see how long i can take people saying mean things, if they do. by the way, now that i've moved offices, i may have to give up my laptop with the bootleg off the corporate network connection so my blogging patterns may once again change. don't give up, i'll stay at this as long as the 3 people who read this stay with me.
 
have a good weekend. do something fun.
 
my apologies to everyone for blasting your links from my site. give me a few days with this new code and i'll get them re-added.

a day like no other

interesting day today, it was.

i got to work expecting to be called in to my mgrs office, which of course i was, and then found out that i was moving to a private office. i had thought i was going to get into trouble because i told another mgr yesterday that they needed to take some responsibility and quit blaming everyone else for all of their problems. (it wasn't pretty, but it needed to happen, or so i thought, and still do)

I will miss the office talk, but i think i'll like it. it gets me away from some of the time-consuming customer junk so i can really focus on my job and crank out some work. i guess now i will find out if i am as good as i think or if i suck just like the other mgr that i was causing so much grief.

nada mucho

not a whole lot has been happening the last few days, but i'll tell you anyway so you don't call and yell at me...

saturday
had a planning meeting with the church and school folks. it was pretty non-eventful until i told the church that they needed to allow parents to photograph their kids during the service if they ask them to participate. in the past, whenever the school kids sang or did a christmas program, the parents were told repeatedly that no photography was allowed during the service. all this did was enrage the parents and some have vowed to never come back. i tried to explain to the lutherans that before you can share the love of christ, they probably should show a little love and let a camera find its way into the service. after all, one of the biggest ways to the parents are through the kids. they seemed to get it toward the end.

sunday
noticed the isuzu had a bad water leak which made it look like it was bleeding to death in my driveway. its still in the shop. it may be expensive.

monday
found out that the sinkhole in the parking lot of the phone company is growing larger. how cool is that? i'll see if i can get some pics up so you guys can see. if you are driving around with nothing to do, stop by the back of the lot at the 955 building and take a look. you could also jump up and down on it and see if you can make it larger. no joke, it's kinda fun, well i do live a simple life.

tuesday
fire marshal just showed up at work. no biggee there.

steer this

i'm on a steering committee with the local lutheran church and school and last night the pastor said the church needs to do something to help get the kids off the streets. now keep in mind that most everyone on the committee is at least retired, some have been for many years, one lady is actually 91. the pastor mentioned creating some type of skate area or building a half pipe for teenage skaters. WOW! i have been with churches half their age and more recently with a church only a fraction of their age, but everytime we talked about creating a skate "thing" everyone laughed at the thought. for that matter, when it was recommended to reach out to the pierced and tattoo'd, of which skaters can be, one elder remarked that we really didn't want them here. hello!!! churches if you are going to reach the lost, and you aren't going to go to where they are, then at least allow them to act like themselves when they show up to your place.

i am constantly amazed at how powerfully creative or destructive leadership can be, and am once again reminded of the need to keep them in prayer.

a Jew?

it is interesting to me how the people of the jewish faith (outside the goings on of israel) seem to be completely more receptive of other people even though they still hold themselves to strict rules of the Torah. it sweems to me that these rules would put up barriers to openness, but from my experience, it doesn't. i would think that christians would be more loving and open to sharing the love of Christ, being that they are completely free from the law, but more often then not, it is harder to get into a christian circle than another faith. in many ways the christian faith seems to have become the american faith and has adopted all of the baggage that goes along with it. you know, being a rush to the top, climb the ladder, be all you can be, get out of my way or i'll step on you, kind of faith. all the while, there seems to be little spiritual growth or even an understanding about who Christ is or even who we can be through Christ.

it appears that the christian faith in many ways has adopted the very traditions that Jesus came to break us free from. if you are wrapped up in churchiness or busyness for the sake of Christ then i encourage you to break free from it. allow yourself to rest in the Father. get to know the God of the Bible in the way he wants to reveal himself to you. don't just take someone else's word. they are probably caught up in churchiness themselves and probably only know what the latest seminary teacher taught. remember the early guys of the old testament that had no church or temple or seminary to attend, yet they knew God in ways we can only imagine.

break free!

you want me to go where?

twice in the last week, dianna and i have made trips to waco (about 200 miles away) to scavenge through the rubble left behind by another christian school that couldn't afford to keep their doors open - another long sad lutheran story. i was expecting the place to be a dump but what we found was a wonderful facility that apparently was mis managed. i guess part of me is really curious how many ministries have to go under before people realize that a preacher does not a business manager make. (nor does a business manager a preacher make) in my opinion, it is very rare to find a person who can do both.

in our trips we purchased probably close to 3000 books, 5 lunchroom tables, 3 locking cabinets, 2 bookcases, a bunch of science equipment including microscopes, slides, plastic body parts (ooo, that sounds bad) and an assortment of other things.

once again to make my point from an earlier blog...i don't think it was the will of God to see this one church die out just to help us along, although this can show that God can make all things work to the good (to those called to the purpose). my hope is that the new pastor of that lutheran congregation can help heal the hurts and bring people back to the arms of the father.

the new lunchbox

had a conversation with tyler last week that went something like this. tyler, are you ready for school to start? not really dad. well, yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... actually since i have a new spiderman lunchbox, then yes, i am.

SoBe

ok, so my trip to south beach...well, it was good. for starters here are some of the exceptional people that i hang out with. they are some of the best in the wireless telecom industry and i am proud to be associated with them. for grins the folks here represent Rural Cellular, US Cellular, Eloqui Wireless, XIT Cellular, Telus Mobility, and Bell Mobility Canada.

the hot chick

i was reading in genesis this week and came across an interesting story. it seemed that abraham was married to a hottie so, upon their moving to egypt and fearing for his life, he lied about her being his wife and told everyone she was his sister. abraham (who actually was still abram at this time) and his wife were treated very well and were given lots of gifts. after God caused bad things to happen to the king, the king found out the truth and sent abraham and his wife and all their new possessions back to where they came from.

ok, now i would ask - was it God's will for Abraham to lie about his wife and give her to live with the king? did God need for the egyptians to give Abraham all of those gifts of livestock, and gold, and food and so on because he (God) needed some help? could God not provide for Abraham outside of this scam?

my personal feeling is that God could provide anything, anytime, anywhere, anyway he wants to do it and i am guessing that most of you reading this would agree. i would also venture an opinion that the Father many times works in spite of us and not necessarily through us in order to accomplish his holy mission. many times this working in spite of us is misunderstood as working through us. the trauma is sometimes easily overshadowed by the slightest positive reaction. a large scale example would be the new plant life that sprung up from the mt st helens explosion or the way america "came back to God" after 9/11. the tiny positive results never justified the huge destruction that caused it.

ok, here's the point.

all my life i have been frustrated by believers using works of God to support their latest dumb ass idea. just like in the story of abraham, God can work good even through lies, laziness, or ignorance. you pick the downfall, God knows how to get the glory. BUT - all that being said, is it God's will for the lies, the laziness, or the ingorance to happen? of course not. or at least in my own understanding it isn't. you see just because people pray more or kiss and make up after a fight or whatever, that doesn't mean that what caused that to happen was from God. as believers we should be wary of anything that happens in the name of God that is not in the character of God. true we are all sinful humans trying to understand a holy and pure God and we will make mistakes, but let's just be careful to not tie our mistakes to his holiness simply because his goodness allows his glory to be revealed in whatever stupid things we do.

size does matter

came home from work today and my son was drinking his juice through 5 straws. when i saw him do this i quietly shed a tear. you see i know that unlike the other 2 rules that i haven't talked to him about, he understood the third rule of life - that being you can never have enough bandwidth (hence the straws). if you don't understand the bandwidth analogy then just stick with rules 1 and 2 - those being that you can never have enough money or sex. have a happy evening.

all day today dianna and i have been writing up a grant for our school. i have always wanted to do this, but for whatever reason just never did. it's been weird though as i have sat at my computer and listened to about 15 hours of european electronica XTC trance radio on itunes (itunes is the best even though i gave mac a bad rap a couple of weeks ago). maybe this is getting me prepared for miami as i am assuming they will have trace / rave / whatever they call it clubs everywhere, along with everything else. by the way, running concurrently with my business meeting there will be a gay life expo there as well. (not sure why i linked it to my site). part of me is excited. i would love to be able to show the love of christ to these guys instead of throwing stones and condemning them while i hope no one finds out about my own secret sins. no wonder the world hates christians. anyway i will probably just stare unconsciously and wonder where the lesbians are.

just kidding, damn, calm down.

it seems a lot has happened since i complained about getting the boot at ye 'ole lutheran church. to our surprise, when the other folks heard about what happened they resolved it for us. how cool is it to part of a family (of which we are still outsiders) where they take care of you like that. how ironic is it for me to be so strongly desiring to help build a young energetic crowd of jesus followers only to have it thwarted by guys who didn't get it and then have the father lead me to a crowd of folks twice my age who support me and pray for me in ways i've never known. they are clearing the roadblocks and wanting us (mostly Dianna) to charge on ahead. part of me is nervous, 'cause we will screw up eventually, and i don't want to leave the honeymoon status of where we are. it's like the new car smell and kids. you want your car to always smell new, but eventually the wife will take the kids to taco bueno where they all will eat the jumbo grande extra been burritto and on the way home...well let's just say the new car smell will be gone forever after that.

how much for a tooth

well it seems that tyler is going to be just like me in that his teeth don't fall out, they have to be pulled out. so we trekked to san antonio this week to see the dentist and had his two bottom teeth extracted. incidentally, these two teeth were the very same ones that he was born with. i'm not sure how these got placed on the baby order, but if you're out there and you read blogs, know that razor sharp teeth on a new born baby is a bad idea - especially if you have plans to breast feed - OUCH!! - ok, enough on that...

so me attempting to be the coolest dad in the world goes by the bank to see what neat coins they have, anticipating that my tooth fairy skills will be called upon later that night. well, tyler decides that maybe he may not get a good enough deal from the fairy so he decides that he doesn't want to put his teeth under the pillow just yet. it reminded me of my high school days when i knew that i needed to get serious with my walk with Christ, but i wanted to date that certain girl first, assuming that i would have more fun "backsliding" (sorry for the bad pun) then i would being a consummate Jesus freak.

where was i? oh yeah, well last night he decided that he did in fact want to see what the fairy had for him on one condition - he wanted a sorta tooth fairy waiver agreement which said that she (we just assumed it was a she) was free to verify that the teeth were his and free to leave the booty, but would she be so kind as to leave the teeth. ok, so now we are back on track. soon after he went to sleep we went in and traded the signed and notarized waiver for a 50 cent piece (coinage, not the "singer"), 2 new quarters, and 2 gold dollars with the indian girl on them. when he got up he found the teeth and the money all together so he's happy with the final results...and i'm tired. this is all too complicated for me.

by the way, no nasty emails about how dare me encourage him to believe in the tooth fairy. one of my biggest beliefs is that the failure of developed imaginations keeps us from many things the Father wants us to see. remember he is infinite, we are finite. you have to rev up your imagination a little to even begin to behold His glory and unfortunately most parents start squelching their children's creativity and imagination soon after they tell them that santa clause is a myth, if they even went that far. teach your children to dream, to wholesomely fantasize, to create, to whatever. you never know what God may ask them to do later in life.

i was lovingly corrected by a good friend of mine this afternoon who said that one of the problems in the church is that there are too many people like the two i described. he's probably right.

got kicked out of the lutheran school/church building last night by a well meaning but severely deluded elderly lady. it seemed that she alone felt responsible to insure that all the doors were locked and lights were off because after all her husband was a trustee (just another fancy name for committee member), regardless of the fact that we have been given every key, code, number, and so on for the whole place, and that we are there almost every day at all times of the day and night. like the last such person i dealt with, this lady doesn't know anything about what we are doing or what's going on - but if you ask her, she is the pillar holding up the building and the whole place revolves around her. i guess i have come to learn that if a person has to convice you that they are important, then obviously they aren't. people that are busy in ministry are not (usually) busy in causing problems. those that want to stir up trash usually do so because of their own insecurities and issues. thank God that there usually aren't too many of these folks running around.

miami anyone

so we are about a week away from our trip to the great state of florida, once again. of course this time we will be staying in miami, a first for me. part of me is really curious about the miami way of life, oops, gotta go.

happiness is...noticing that your friends have finally updated their blog.

:) (no hate mail please)

i copied this from the ginkworld site. it is not my creation, but it correctly states my drive.

who are we? well, we're born out of passion and rebellion; a passion for Christ and a rebellion of the "status quo" of the church. we're a place where we believe in being honest and direct when dealing with issues facing the church, our culture and ourselves. we are a voice for the emerging culture; seeking to find a faith that is meaningful, relevant and honest.

i just put this here, because most of the folks i know will say the same thing, however i just don't believe that their actions support this. Part of me says that it will always be that way, just like politics, or worship music styles, or even whether you prefer Dale, Jr. or Jeff Gordon. People just see things differently. i still love and support my friends that don't agree with me, but i must follow the passion i have based upon what the Father has shown me.

the other Kerri has started blogging again with a whole new site design, go check it out at onion layers.

I will overcome

I can see that my hands are trembling
I can see that my legs are weak
I can see that my head is spinning
but I will overcome

And I know that my heart is hurting
And I know that my soul, it aches
And I know that it seems I'm failing
but I will overcome

Oh Lord I am strong in You
Oh Lord I am wise in You
Oh Lord I can see in You
so I will overcome

Oh Lord I am loved by You
Oh Lord I am free in You
Oh Lord I am complete in You
So I will overcome
I will overcome

IT'S TIME TO KILL THE GOLDEN CALF

making reference to the israelites' idol of a calf made of gold, elder stephen said last night in a very emotional meeting of about 35 young people that it was time to kill the golden calf - meaning that the 6pm service at the soul cafe will no longer exist - until further notice. it seemed evident from his words that he had wanted to do this for at least several months if not longer. he said that because of the strife between the two services, which appeared to be mostly his, that this was the correct thing to do. all along, we were being encouraged by another elder to continue pressing onward. i guess i am the greatest of all fools to have believed that we had the support of the eldership.

one thing of note - this whole thing happened in record setting time - which should go down in some baptist world record book. in a nut shell (love that phrase) we had a meeting on wednesday, the elders had a meeting on thursday and by friday the calls were going out that it was over. all of this done pretty much on very little information or at least information from very limited sources. once again i am the greatest fool of all to think that such a major decision would hinge on such little discussion.

one understanding that i have experienced over and over in my days of church life is that we shoot our wounded. so many times i hear a preacher talk about how we are to be a hospital where people come to be healed - emotionally, spiritually, etc. that's all well and good, but what about the people that the church puts IN the hospital. it seems that for the most part the churches are just trading their wounded. this guy gets hurt and goes over to that church, and that guy gets hurt and comes over to this church. many times there is not any real healing if you look at the ones that you injure in the process. to hear a teenager in tears begging for the elders not to cancel his worship service, and having absolutely no idea what in the world the strife referrence is regarding, and having an elder say "sorry, that's the way it's going to be" is just amazing. last night the leadership put more folks in the hospital then they took out. i would never have believed it if i hadn't heard it myself. once again, i am the fool.

to those that find a home in another clay street service, please know that i am happy for you, really. my prayer is that the father places you in ministry that is both rewarding to you and allows you to grow deeper in relationship with him and those around you. to those that have been to the other services and don't belong, know that i understand (i attended one service for almost a year as the sound tech and even played guitar some, and still never felt at home - i did enjoy it at times, like i do other churches, but it still wasn't home). my prayer is that the father guides each of us to where he wants us. if it is simply to take a break and return to clay street, then i ask that he refine and change us to make the return joyful. if it is to pursue ministry in other areas then i pray that he direct us quickly so we can begin our healing process with another family. know that i love you and have enjoyed the journey so far, i'll keep you posted on the father's plans for me.

don't loose faith.

do you ever watch a sunset and then suddenly break into tears over its beauty? do you ever watch a sparrow build a nest and marvel at the skill it possesses? does it amaze you how good a fresh strawberry can taste? do you ever watch childbirth and think "wow, that's really gross".

me neither.

just one note of clarity - i don't mean to necessarily generalize boomers as the eldership or pastorship of the organization. while early on in my story maybe i did but at the end, the staff are completely supportive. the boomers i'm in reference to are actually of post modern age but have traded a vision for convenience.

ok, done talking about that. please email or call me if you have questions.

walk with the Father today. :)

the dream is dead

for those that don't know i've been a part of an organization that started from a dream that turned into a movement that turned into a church that turned into rubble. to those that remain, i wish you the best, but i abhor your lack of creativity, your lack of passion, your lack of personal spiritual growth, and your lack of desire to follow God into uncharted territory.

for more information, here is how it all happened. for this story post modern is really a mind set and while it would be more accurate to say modern representing a mindset than boomer representing an age, that's just the way i want to say it, so there. if none of this makes sense then go look at some pretty macs, this is all basically for my own therapy anyway:

a boomer had a dream
boomer shared dream with post moderns
boomer killed in plane crash
dream energized
boomers funded dream
post moderns built dream
boomers took over dream
boomers chased off post moderns
boomers started their own dream
boomers killed post modern dream
post moderns weep

and now it starts again
a post modern has a dream (at the moment that's all of the story)

you know it seems like i hear more and more each day about how much people hate their jobs. or maybe it is just where i work - dunno. part of me wonders why people stay in a relationship, in this case work, where they hate it, where they can't be creative, productive, or remotely satisfied. i know it is easier to just take the junk as long as a paycheck is involved, but why? shouldn't we want more?

as a sometimes do, i have to turn this into a churchy metaphor. so, why do people complain about their faith life when they could reach out for more. just like a job, it is completely up to them whether or not they want to change and do something meaningful and productive. why do people sit in church and complain about it and not work to make it better? why not first make yourself better and then maybe the church will be better? just some questions that i don't need answers to.

have a great week - K

i'm creating a video for tyler's end of school program and some of the songs i have considered are of tori amos. i am absolutely amazed at how she can make a piano sound and am almost convinced that hers has different keys on it than mine does. nathan i know i don't know the half of it concerning her talent and passion, and yes you have told us all over and over about it...and ok, you are right.

have a great week.

happy friday

it's been too long without a pic so here's one from the slide show i'm working on for tyler's school. :)

my buddy reggie just called and made me laugh. he is one of those folks that everytime i speak with him he makes me feel good. i guess as believers that is how it is supposed to work. now i just need about 10 more friends like him - thanks reggie

one more thing

oh, i forgot to mention that i booked tickets to south beach for both me and my wife to solutions(a business mtg for those that might not know). i figured that a few hundered dollars for a plane ticket is certainly cheaper than marriage counseling. Ok, i took too much of a leap here... from everything i have seen about south beach it looks like a place for a guy to get into trouble - semi-nude beaches, great clubs, don johnson, versace, need i say more. actually i haven't let my wife leave town for several years so i figured this might be a fun place to go.

i need a place to stay on sat night if anyone has any thoughts.

recap

ok, in a nutshell this has been my life for the last week

went to tampa, learned some stuff
painted the house, the wrong color
mowed the yard, it was almost a foot tall
cleaned the gutters, had grass higher than in the yard
visited a new church, a lutheran one
re-wired some lights, with new ballasts

with a little work i guess i could have turned this into haiku.

just fyi ~ i love itunes 4.5. love the new radio feature!

just so my mac friends don't think that i have committed the ultimate sin - that being mac blasphemy - i am currently reading this site called why macs are better than pcs.

and then there's me

did you ever play the game on sesame street about which item doesn't belong? well here is one for you. take a look at me sandwiched between the president of syniverse technologies and john major, former prime minister of great britain. oh, and then there's the olympic guy. now you tell me the Father doesn't have a sense of humor. i can almost hear the sesame street music playing in the background.

'cause i'm big now

do you remember when you were little and you wanted ice cream for breakfast and you were told no for whatever reason and you said to yourself that when you were big you would eat whatever you wanted? well today is my day to celebrate being big, not fat mind you - i celebrate that every day- just big.

i started the morning off with chocolate cake. the kind with big chocolate chips and some sort of gooey icing. then i went to the grocery store to purchase one of my favorite drinks, Stewart's Original Cherries 'n Cream Fountain Classics (with a 6 word name you know it must be good). I then purchased a coffeecake for the office of which i ate too much for everyone to be able to partake. I shouldn't leave out that i rode the basket from the store to my car. that always makes folks look. usually you don't see people in business dress riding a shopping cart, but today is my "I'm big day" so i can do whatever i want.

hang on a minute...i think i'm feeling a little ooey... gotta run!!!

tiny tyler's tavern

i came home from lunch the other day and tyler had a sign on the front door that said "Ty's BBQ" and he met me there with a menu that he had created. inside the house he had a table set up with food, drinks, and more of his created signs like kitchen, do not enter, closed, and so on. of course he didn't cook or anything like that, he just took the food and figured out a way to market it. before i get any child abuse emails...no, i didn't make him watch the apprentice with me and i don't take him to tony robbins seminars, he just did this on his own.

anyway it is fun to see a barely 7 year old be creative in this way. it makes me wonder in big ways what he may be when he gets older. i sometimes see him as a televangelist except that his preacher hair is real and his ethical code too high. then i see him as a lawyer, but i come back to the hair and ethical thing again. how about the circus? maybe he could replace barnum and bailey's greatest show on earth with a whole new version. yep, that's it. i'd better start teaching him to play the accordion and pipe organ. hmmm.

i walked into tyler's room last night and he was reading his new bible given to him by the gideons. it was neat to see him thumbing through it. of course when he said "daddy, it has too many johns in it, did i get a messed up one?" i just had to laugh. at least he was observant enough to notice.

my dad is down here visiting for a few days and whenever i speak with him i am reminded how young he seems to be. it's kinda funny because he has been pastoring and youth pastoring a chinese church in CA for almost 15 years and he has always connected with multiple age groups. i laugh when i see pastors my age that talk and act like 75 year old preachers. is that supposed to be more God-like? it just bores me silly and just plain seems fake. someone please straighten me up if i ever get like that.

i haven't spoken much of my wife's new job, but it really is somewhat of a miracle, except that she is not getting paid, that part sucks. long story short...she is the interim principal at a lutheran school. that sounds well and good, but the irony is that the school is part of a church of controlling, elderly german lutherans. i mean, you don't wash the windows without permission, really. for us we just don't do that. i mean one of the reasons we quit going to a local baptist church was because of the politics and rules and they are 10 times as progressive as this lutheran community (actually progressive is not a word to describe either place). well 2 weeks into the job i must admit that the folks at this church are amazing. they have showed complete support for dianna and what she is doing. they have come into the church and found me with a drill in my hand and a deer-in-the-headlights look and have asked to help. we have routinely refused to ask the committees or follow the "rules" (sorry, i know i use quotes a lot and that probably bugs some of you) of the board or whatever in order to expedite the desperate needed change and God has blessed it. i don't mean to say that he has blessed our breaking of the rules, just that he has covered the whole process in such a way that it works for both parties. dianna has done an amazing amount of work in a very short time and so far the congregation just wants to know how to help. i've never experienced this in any religious organization anywhere.

it's one of those things where the Father must just be laughing at me with all the post modern books and websites i like to frequent and then he teaches me a lesson from a 90 year old german lady (really, she is 90!). i am so thankful to be in the place of blessing that we are. true the money could be better, but the return is already excellent. i'm sure you'll be reading more about this over the next few weeks.

breathe!

big, big meeting going on upstairs today...one that may determine if i stay an employee of FSW. hmmm, maybe i should be doing something besides blogging...

hey go look at the holy cross lutheran school site that i put up. it's only a one pager while i work on something better. anyway, i hate sites that suck so hopefully this one has some class (no pun intended). PAX

ok, so here i am at my 2nd little league baseball game and this other coach comes over and says "NO MORE T" (as in T-ball). well, that's fine and all, but that is kinda the point of the league. my kid is barely 7 weighing a little more than the bat and now he's supposed to just grow up and play like the big boys. what the hell. first i want to absolutely injure this coach in some very painful manner and then i want to scream at all the parents for letting this happen - neither of which i did. just for the record, the rules allow for the T to be used.

did i drink too much and mistakenly pray for patience again??

i heard from two good friends of mine today that shared what God was doing in their lives. it was probably the most refreshing thing i have heard in quite some time. i guess for me it seems that the christian "walk" is at times more like the christian hampster wheel. sometimes you walk, sometimes you run, sometimes a little energy is spent, sometimes you give it everything you've got. regardless though it seems as if you you stay in the same place. the question then becomes, is it God or me that is causing me to stay in one place, one situation, one whatever. ok, so that may be a rhetorical question, but then again, is it?

dunno, and i'm sure not going to venture an answer tonight. i will sleep soundly just being comforted that the Father still moves among his people. that's all i need right now.

had to do a little guy stuff yesterday, so my buddy nick and i went out in the country to do some target practice. we took a handful of .22 rifles and pistols, deer rifles, military rifles, and various other weapons of minor destruction. it was a perfect day. well, any day that you go into the sporting goods section and buy ammo buy the 500 count (and of course one box is never enough) you know it's going to be fun. before it was all over we even managed to launch a flaming butane tank about 100 ft into the air - now that's how a country/city boy has fun. and i should add that we had lunch at one of those places where the bathrooms are labeled Bucks and Does. whatta day!!

gee, another week flown by...

i did go to the final 4 championship game on monday nite and had a great time. i took a local clergyman, friend, and major basketball fan, david willingham, with me. we had a great time of talking about our ideas of ministry, truth, faith, and even some sports. it was a sweet time.

on a different note - dianna is now the interim principal at the school tyler attends - holy cross lutheran school - the place where the pastor slapped the kid during a chapel service a few years ago. anyway, the school is trying to re-make itself. they have a new pastor that has a business background and years of ministry in the watts area of LA, they have hired a local PR person to help with the bad press, and we just had roadrunner internet installed, and a new network is going in, and we are going to buy a bunch more Macs (notice that i capitalized this word which means that i hold it in high regard - caps don't show up too often in my blog - never mind the LA one, it just works better that way) and i am even looking at the Mac PowerSchool product - if you are a teacher and you know anything about PS then please let me know.

that's about all. we still don't know anything about tyler's surgery...that's a really weird deal.

have a happy thursday.

final 4 anyone

had an interesting weekend...

i received a call from a friend on friday asking if i would be interested in 4 tickets to the NCAA final 4 playoffs in san antonio. as it turned out, they had 2 tickets to see the playoffs on sat and 2 tickets to the championship on monday. believe it or not, i had to make some calls to find someone who could / would go. dianna and i ended up going on sat and had a really good time. the folks we were with is the president and wife of a company that i work closely with in my wireless adventure and we were able to talk a little business, a little family, and a little of everything else. overall, a really nice time - except that the team we both wanted to win...didn't.

monday should also be a great time as i will be taking a local minister who loves b-ball. i'll enjoy the visit with him more than the game. i'll fill you in on the details of that later on.

now go plant something in your garden. PAX!

strangely theraputic

no this is not my child, mine has greater finger dexterity

no surgery next week. that's the message we received from the children's hospital about an hour ago. we don't know why or when it might be rescheduled, just that it won't be next week.

more later

ok, i've made a small change to my template on the right - i've added a link to family pictures. if you happen to venture there you can see various things like tyler's earlier surgeries (not complete yet) and the latest CT scans. i put these out there not so everyone would feel sad but because i can give the link to parents that we will meet next week in houston. these pics will help them to understand what they may be in for down the road. it's a weird type of club to belong to, but when your kids are screwed up in the same way you can instantly connect regardless of any race, religion, nationality or whatever. hmmm, what an idea.

some of you have asked so here is our plan for next week:

Sat 3/27 - go to Houston
Sun 3/28 - have a real slow relaxing day (this always helps going into the surgery)
Mon 3/29 - surgery (in morning)
Mon & Tues - be in hospital
Wed 3/31 - check out of hospital if we didn't escape on Tues
Thurs 4/1 - head back to Kerrville

before i write any more about surgery, know that i am so thankful for those that have loved on us in incredible ways. many of you have treated us as your own family (the good part of being family that is) and have really encouraged us along the way. one of my favorite things to remember was being given a blank signed church check to pay for our motel stay. now i don't necessarily recommend ever giving someone a blank check, but it certainly made things easier. i will remember the love that was shown to us long after any bad experiences of a hospital stay. thanks for being the hands of the Father to us. PAX!

HI BJ!

we are having a garage sale tomorrow and for me that is about as lovely as showing up to church in your dirty underwear - that's right, not just underwear, but dirty ones! while i was digging through my closet i found some of my college notebooks that i had been holding on to. not sure why, as i never really felt that i fit in (at Baylor U.), but somehow i didn't want to let them go. anyway off to the dump they go and in a weird way it is really a cleansing of some sort. ok enough of that stuff.

while i was digging through one notebook i found this - not sure who wrote it.

i am only one
i cannot do everything
but i can do something.
what i should do
and can do
by the grace of God
i will do.

i kinda liked it.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a driver’s license.
At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
At age 70 success is . . . having a driver’s license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

spent some time today listening to some folks talking about raising daughters and the struggles they are or have experienced. truth is, i was upset when i found out that we would be having a Tyler instead of a Rebecca. certainly this was no surprise to the Father as he knew that i was better suited to raise a boy than a girl. i certainly hope to have the chance to have a baby girl in the family, i just guess it will have to be with a grandchild. WOW - i just referrenced being a grandparent. i feel really old now. sob.

the big 7

today is a big day for tyler - it's his birthday and he thinks he has earned the right to run the planet or at least a small household. this afternoon his class at school will be having a pirate party; yes i know he has watched one too many johnny depp movies, but who hasn't. it should be a lot of fun and i don't have to clean up the backyard for the party, so YEAH! one of the games they will play is pin the patch on the pirate. this is a new game for our household so we had to make the game pieces up. tyler was all too willing to pose as our pirate.

what a day -

my sister's baby Macy has just been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. to learn more about CF, go here.

my bride is back in the blogger game again. yippee, she is certainly more of a writer than i'll ever be.

"If we are to lead a life that is open to change, we will most likely find ourselves traveling down paths that we never expected, but that lead us to places we have always wanted to be."
-- William C. Hammond

what a weekend - already we have watched our last basketball game of the season, pulled a bunch of cat5 cable for a network at the my son's school, mounted a big hook through the rock of the school for the cable drop (those lutherans are going to be mad when they see what we did to their 80 year old building), mowed the lawn, that's right, my front yard was already close to a foot high, and spent some quality time with my buddy nick. today i don't think i'll be as productive, however we started the morn off with some music downloads from itunes and some t-shirt research, so who knows. by the way, here is our latest find. PAX!

the passion of the Christ

thanks to my friend kerri and fbc for giving us tickets to go see the passion movie last night, here are some of my thoughts..

i guess growing up southern baptist we never really talked about what crucifixion really is, as was evidenced once again by the traditionals that filled the theater last night. many still dressed in their "sunday best" (do they sleep in those clothes?). the congregation looked and acted like your basic 11am sun morning crowd. the packages of kleenex being opened could be heard as soon as the opening music score started - these guys have watched too much tv - probably the same crowd that gives over their life savings to folks like benny hinn.

Ok, on to my review.
First, i would say that this movie is probably more for christians than it is a catch all evangelistic piece. and praise God for that. it is about time that those that follow Christ clue into what the sacrifice actually was. the truth of the matter is that i was relatively clueless as the next person until i joined clay street (AKA The Soul Cafe.) i am so thankful to those that had gone before us like nathan, stacy, and shannon for opening up my eyes and making it all become new and alive all over again. strangely enough, people routinely share their frustration with us (the clay street night folks) that our worship is too dark and dealing with too much of Jesus' suffering and not enough of the "feel good" type of happy Jesus stuff. well this gibson movie may be the best thing for us since our purchase of the Mackie 32 channel board. did i say something about a review????

back to the movie.
one of the things that i am most thankful for is that mel gibson is catholic - using the stations of the cross the catholics really seem to have a handle on the whole process of the suffering where most protestants, from my experience, usually want to get away from the idea of the cross and talk only about the idea that he was raised from the grave. certainly a great point, but don't leave the suffering out - i identify with that much more easily than that of raising from the dead. the other thing that catholics have on us is their respect (not deification, mind you) for mary, the mother of Jesus. most of the tear jerking moments came from their interaction and flash backs and for me it completely worked. it was a great reminder that Jesus was all man as well as all God and it made for a good escape from the violence, albeit a more emotional road at times.

the movie is mostly likely everything you hear about on tv. all the good, all the bad. both critics are somewhat correct. keep in mind that without the holy spirit, the movie just simply looks like a crazy man being killed by crazed church people. with that understanding, the anti-semitism critique is somewhat accurate as is the gratuitous violence. being a believer is different of course because you know more of the story. like i mentioned earlier, there is a lot that the movie doesn't tell about Jesus, so don't expect unbelievers to beat a path to your congregation just because they saw this movie. certainly folks will come to know Christ, but don't rely on this movie to do all of the work for you.

at the end of the movie it was clear to many of the tormenters that Jesus was who he said he was and that was what stirred me. To see God move (the earthquake, the dark sky, the temple veil ripped) even on screen, was a big deal to me. I wanted to yell the famous drew barrymore line from charlies angel's "Now that's kicking your ass!" but didn't think the ladies around me could handle any more trauma for one night. When it was over we quickly made our way out. i didn't want to stick around and listen to any folks' opinion, i wanted to process it all with my own family. Of course being that we did get free tickets, we did have to stay at the end for a few comments from the local clergy, kinda like having to take the time-share compound tour just to receive your free steak knives.

overall i think this is a great movie released at a great time. i am certainly glad i saw it and i think everyone (above the age of about 15) should see it, but i don't know that i ever want to watch it again. who knows. i am sure i'll be one of the first to purchase the dvd, i just may never open it.

a room at the inn

we had a big answer to prayer this morning when some friends of ours in houston said we could stay with them during the surgery. we actually stayed with them for the last one and it worked out perfectly. this will save us a ton of money that we will most likely need for other things. PTL.

well today is the opening day of the passion movie and looks like i have to wait til april to go see it. here in kerrville all the churches have bought out the theaters for the next several weeks. i guess not being part of any organized religious institution may at times have its drawbacks. oh well, i can still go to the ash wednesday service at the local catholic compound, i certainly am looking forward to that.

have a happy wednesday.

i am back at home finally...because the day was so nice, we decided to take a drive. here are some of the pics we shot during the day. have a great weekend.

i'm in sunny florida today where it is supposed to be warm and sunny. well, it's sunny, but not warm. oh, well. i had the opportunity to attend a hockey game last night where i was able to watch the tampa lightning win a great victory over (some other team). At the last minute i was invited to a box section with all the vittles a guy could want - i must say it is the only way to watch a sport, oh did i mention that i got to sit in a leather chair...

i'm supposed to be paying attention in this training class so i'd better cut this short before i get busted (i type too loudly, everyone is looking at me).

have a great week.

The date has been set

ok, so let me catch up. the texas children's hospital called this morning to recommend tyler for his next surgery and we set the date for march 29th. we are still unclear as to how involved this will be or how long the hospital stay will be or how to even discuss it with tyler. he knows that this is likely to happen, but up until now has always had a hope that it wouldn't be needed. pray for him that he will not stress out over this one - leave that to us.

yesterday i was informed that i have a new boss (again for the 4th time in 10 months) - bill stacy. he is currently the director of marketing for us which means that he likes to spend money. our hope is that he will allow us to spend our way back to success. i know it sounds like a republicanesque type of idea, but when it comes to technology, the biggest spender is usually the winner.

at clay street we have had an electrician there for about a week running new lines and re-wiring switches and what not. i am excited to finally have a ton of this done. of course while verifying that the new electrical does in deed work, i discovered that the sacred mirrored ball has indeed experienced some sort of abuse. with the spot light burnt out and the tiny little carabiner that holds the ball to the rotor missing, my stress level has reached an all time high (not really). i am certainly convinced that the longer you are involved in christian ministry, the longer the list of names of people you need to kill, if you could ever find the time. i guess with such little time, it would be better to spend time teaching the passion of christ instead of anything else of such a destructive nature.

what else? oh yeah. my friend jeremiah has redone his blog page and of course it looks great. it is becoming more evident each day that i am going to have to break down and learn some code so i don't have such a chump blog site anymore, but there again, so little time.

have a great week.

ad campaign for clay street

ok, so let me know what you think and yes i know, my feedback option still doesn't work, sorry. by the way, it is still being worked on so you have to endure the layout guides, they obviously won't appear in production. the logo is nathan's handiwork, i can't take credit for that.

i'm in (not really sunny) long beach, california for the rest of the week visiting with my dad and going to a telecom conference in san diego. we visited probably the hippest library i have ever seen, complete with electronic everything as long as it had the word mac on it - really i don't think there was a pc in the whole complex - note to self.

we crossed a picket line to buy some groceries, visited the most excellent video production system of any ministry i have ever seen (i tried to get out the door with a new sony dv cam, but got caught), and ate some great sea food. we have had a really good time.

today we are on our way to san diego, one of my favorite places on the earth. i am so looking forward to it

doesn't play well with others

ok, so i klepto'd the title from a bumper sticker, but it fits.

all my life i have wanted to play keyboard in a band or by myself or whatever. i haven't really worked hard at that goal, it's just something i've wanted to do. kinda like watching the olympics and saying "i wish i could be an olympic skater" but reality says you have two left feet and you live 250 miles from the nearest patch of artificial ice.

well i've been given to opportunity to play keyboard at clay street and i so want to do it. long story short is that 35 years of playing my own thing translates into the fact that i can't follow rhythms and beats of normal everyday musicians - which is pretty important. it's a real hard pill to swallow 'cause deep inside i can play, but i play to my own metronome. part of me says that the music is so good already that i don't want to take a chance of messing it up, and part of me says to quit making excuses and dodging a chance to learn something. anyway, hopefully the father can use me in this area somehow.

we don't have a verdict just yet but you can certainly tell from the photos that something is amiss. we should hear from the doctor later in the week concerning what they want to do.

the picture on the left is tyler's bad side, the picture on the right is his good side and how a normal shoulder should look.

reggie asked me to fill in on bass this next week and i am so excited to be able to play matt redman's song "blessed be your name" - one of my new favorites. yippee.

we had a cat scan of tyler's shoulder and upper torso this morning. lemme tell you - there's nothing like doing an internal fly-by of all the major organs of your son. i was certainly impressed as i watched on the monitor. unfortunately the scan seemed to show exactly what we thought...his right shoulder is messed up...the term FUBAR comes to mind, but then i'm not a doctor so i shouldn't use technical terms like this, huh?

the 5th time's a charm

we made it to houston and back safely - ptl - it was nasty weather for most of the trip.

the surgery that we thought we would have to have in a few months has been changed to another one. because we are literally on the edge of the medical science in this area, the protocol changes periodically. apparently since our last appointment, the childrens hospital's 3D rendering software for cat scans has changed dramatically and now they can see what the root cause of the problem is and not just a symptom. the doc felt certain that he knew what the problem was, but just to be sure he has ordered one of these new scans. after this surgery (a removal of part of the shoulder bone) tyler should have much more range of motion with his arm. we are certainly pleased with the new discovery, but at the same time dismayed that we have to go through this again. it never gets easier, the pain just grows deeper.

fate awaits

we return to the Texas Children's Hospital in Houston on Thursday of next week to determine if Tyler needs more surgery. please pray that he doesn't need this next one (his 5th surgery).

i think i am comforted more by the questions than i am the answers. or maybe it is just that i don't really trust those giving the answers, dunno.

by the way, i am working on the feedback part of my blog, i just haven't placed the tags in the right area. don't give up hope.

Happy New Year!

I thought i'd start the new year with a bang and write on my blog - so here it is.

:) Kerry