scared

the process of being broken is one that i don't wish on anyone and if it is all part of the big picture then part of me says to paint me out. seriously, i can't describe how painful it is to go from feeling like a man of god with some things figured out to a scared little boy who knows he doesn't know anything about anything. the details don't matter right now and i'm not sure if they ever will.

where's the safe landing

there are obviously many, many things that i don't understand about the grace and comfort of God. number one being - where is it when i need it the most? for me it's like slamming your car into a tree at 90 mph only to find out that the air bags don't work. don't get me wrong - my faith doesn't waiver. it just seems to be only a one-way faith right now. all the christian-ese and stuff we talk about (when our lives are relatively painless) seem to be just a bunch of words right now. i feel convicted of offering cheap meaningless comfort and hope to those over the years that really needed it.

something is majorly wrong with this situation and i don't remember signing up to learn this lesson.

where are you

i guess growing up sometimes leaves little to be desired- like the feeling that you miss the person you used to be? maybe it was the innocence, or the carefree attitude, or just the hope that the best years of your life are right around the corner. whatever it may be, waking up and finding yourself deep in the middle of nowhere is a harsh reality.

i went for a drive tonite. i love to drive, really do. it started off with just a desire to find a cd that i heard on the radio (and yes i know that i could have downloaded it from iTunes cheaper) and i found myself on one of kerr county's famous deer dodging and tire squealing, curvy beyond all reason roads. And then i remembered that i could turn the a/c off, turn the radio up (to damaging levels), downshift a gear more than i should have and haul ass.

i did just that.

it was good.

it's weird. i've been driving this small SUV for almost 2 years yet i had forgotten what fun, fulfillment, and joy could come from a little over the edge, somewhat dangerous, driving and i guess to some degree i had forgotten the same thing about life. by nature i'm a risk taker. i love the thought that my next move could be my last or it could be my best ever. that's where i think i am. about to take some risks. about to stretch out to see if i can find who i used to be. about to start over in some ways that i just can't talk about yet.

i think i'm gonna hope again that the best years of my life are just around the corner and i can't wait to tell you about them.

PAX

fill in

ok, so it has been awhile since i last blogged and this one is not going to be real exciting either. anyway, i am going to dfw for a few days for a business trip, i cleaned out my sock drawer, and i washed the rodeo. see, told you this was boring.

on a different note, our church started a saturday nite service 'cause there was no more room in the sun morn service. last sat was the first run and there was a good crowd. come to find out it also serves a purpose to help minister to those from other churches that aren't being filled at their own. it was great to see representatives from all the local baptist congregations in town (kidding).

have a great week.

all is quiet

last night was the first night in several when all the sutton clan was home and sleeping soundly. for the last 2 days, dianna has been at methodist hospital in SA having a revision to her spinal shunt and tyler has been home with me. the night before last, very unexpectedly, his bout with strep kicked up again and he got really sick. the doc said that if he doesn't improve then he would be on his way to the respiratory unit at the local hospital as well. he slept almost all day yesterday and all night last night and he seems to be back to his old self this morning. wonders what a little time and some powerful prayer will do. (by the way, don't think it was the meds, he was way too sick yesterday to keep any down.)

ok, off to work. somehow i've got to pay for all of this. :)

rock me soulsparilla

it was nice to once again have young blood and loud music and lots of it at clay street. last saturday nite we had 6 different acts (4 bands, 1 solo artist, and 1 mom and pop dj) for a high school audience. the music was really good and we probably had over 300 teenagers in the building. i am really hoping that this ministry will continue as clay street seeks the father in the direction he wants for them. i join them in prayer too as i learn to release them from what i want them to be to supporting them in what they are supposed to be. anyway, here are some pics of the concert.






we also had a little car accident incident that i thought was worth mentioning. you see being that we had 300 teens in the building and the place is a church and all, we expected some type of messing with. well aside from my sound and light guy standing me up, all was going well...until a car ran into a tree right behind the building. now many of my baptisty friends see this as a coicidence, but i don't know. i guess i am starting to believe the scripture that says we wrestle not with flesh and blood but with powers and principalities and the rulers of darkness. well if this van hadn't hit the tree it very likely might have come through the back of our building. hmm, i don't buy the coincidence thing for a second. we were also protected in that no one was hurt outside either.